Expectations

Micah's at the age where he gets frustrated easily when things don't go the way he expected. I see this in him daily, especially when he's playing. The other day he was playing with his trucks and trains and lining them up on our ottoman. One of the trucks kept rolling off and falling to the floor. Instead of just picking the truck up and putting it back on the ottoman, he would break down in frustration because he expected the truck to do just as he wanted. This is only one example of times Micah has gotten frustrated when something didn't go as expected. But, it made me think about times I've expected something to go one way, and my reaction when things didn't happen as planned.

Lately, there have been several times I expected something to go one way, and was highly disappointed when my expectations weren't met.

The main one that sticks out right now is Asher's birth. (There are many more though.)

I expected a regular delivery. I didn't have one. Never had it crossed my mind that I might have to have a c-section. Leading up to my going into labor, there was never a reason to think that might happen. But, it did. When I was told after 12 hours of labor that I was being taken for a c-section I was definitely disappointed. At the time though, I didn't have time to dwell on it. I didn't have time to react. I just wanted Asher here safely. Afterwards, I was disappointed, but it was over and Asher was fine! It was out of my hands and there was nothing I could do about it, except to move on. Not dwell on it or allow myself to react negatively about it.

I expected, during labor, to have an epidural that worked. It did, for a short time. But only a short time, and then I was miserable for hours. Especially the last two hours, when I was given pitocin, and the contractions were every 2 minutes and lasting about 30 seconds each. It would have been nice to have a working epidural. But I survived it! And I know many women have survived worse labors than mine. But, I expected one thing, and got another. Again, it was out of my hands. I could dwell on it or move on. It was over, I survived, so I moved on.

I expected to get pictures, and lots of them. I wanted a picture holding Asher right after he was born. I didn't get that because he was taken away since I had to be taken to the recovery room. I wanted a picture of us with our midwife/doctor. That didn't happen. I wanted a picture of our midwife/doctor holding Asher. That didn't happen. I wanted a picture of Michael and I together with Asher right after birth. That didn't happen. I wanted a picture of Micah meeting Asher for the first time when Micah was brought up to the hospital to see us. That didn't happen because Micah had strep and couldn't visit us. I was definitely disappointed because these are all things that can't be done later. Asher will only be born once and we will only have that short time to get those pictures and once the moment is passed, it's gone. So, yes, I was very disappointed.

To say I moved on would be a lie. For some reason, I was really bothered by not getting these pictures. I could never go back and redo his birth and would never have pictures of those memories now that it was past. So, I dwelt on it and allowed it to affect me negatively.

God was definitely working on me in this area of expectations though. I know He has been teaching me, through many situations and not just this one, that HE is in control, not me. HE has a plan for my life, better than any plan I could come up with, and that I needed to get on board and allow HIS plan to play out instead of worrying about my own plan. Expecting one thing, and getting another, time and time again leads to disappointment. But when we look at life through HIS eyes and truly grasp that HIS ways are better, we will be much better off.

For me, it comes back to control. My husband can tell you (and anyone that knows me well) that I am a little bit of a control freak (ok, maybe a LOT of a control freak). I'd like to say that I'm a recovering control freak, but I know I still struggle daily. I want to be in control of how my day is going to go, but with two little ones, my day never goes as planned! How do I respond to my expectations not being met? Sometimes I roll with it, sometimes I show my frustration. I wonder where Micah gets that? Convicted. Thankfully, God's still working on me in this area and doesn't just give up on us!



For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a futre and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

My Boys

Many people have said that Asher looks a lot like Micah. I see it, sometimes. But most times, I don't they look alike at all. They are very different, starting from early in pregnancy. My pregnancy with Micah was very easy and smooth, with a little back pain near the end. My pregnancy with Asher was a little more complicated with minor issues throughout and bad back pain most of the pregnancy too. Micah's delivery was very quick (only 3 hours) and pretty painless, thankfully. Asher's was nothing of the sort. I was in labor with him for 12 hours with an epidural that wasn't working and then ended up having to have a c-section. Thankfully they were both healthy babies and cute too! 

Micah 

Asher 

Both my boys had a head full of dark hair and blue eyes, of course. Micah's hair turned blonde by about 4 months and his eyes stayed blue, a bright blue! It will be interesting to see what color hair and eyes Asher ends up with. Time will tell! I think his hair will stay dark and I hope his eyes will stay blue. Right now they are a very dark blue. 

Both my boys were jaundiced but Micah's was worse. Both lost about a pound while in the hospital but gained it back fairly quickly. Micah was born 3 weeks early (supposedly, pretty sure due date was wrong) and weighed 7lbs 9oz and got down to 7lbs in the hospital. He was 20 1/4 inches long. He was so little! Asher was born 2 weeks early (pretty sure due date was wrong for him too) and was 8lbs 10oz and got down to 7lbs 14oz in the hospital. He was 21 inches long (and is already 22 inches long now at 6 weeks old). Micah wore newborn clothes and diapers for weeks. Asher wore them for about a day! He's already filling out his 0-3 month outfits and weighs 11lbs 6oz right now, definitely bigger than Micah was at this point. Asher is my big boy for sure! 

Asher on the left and Micah on the right

Micah had his days and nights confused at first so we had to wake him often during the day and try to keep him up so he would sleep at night. It took a while to help him get his days and nights straightened out. Asher didn't have that problem and for the most part has slept much better at night than Micah did at first. Asher is much more alert than Micah was at first. In the hospital, the nurses told us that Asher was the most alert baby they had seen in a long time. Micah slept most of the day away if we let him. Asher fights sleep during the day and is awake a good bit. 

Micah on the left and Asher on the right

I know there will be many more differences in my two boys. I don't write this to compare them, but to show that they are each unique and both are such a blessing. I can't wait to see what adventures lay before us as we raise two boys! Micah already loves his baby brother and I pray that they grow up close and the best of friends! 

My sweet boys! Love them! 

My Sweet Micah

I have to brag on my sweet Micah for a minute. I haven't had a lot of one on one time with him since coming home from the hospital with Asher and I've missed that time with my first little man. Since having a c-section this time, I've also not been able to hold him and do some of the things I used to with him. So, the other night I wanted to be the one that put him to bed instead of Michael because I missed getting to do that. I got him ready for bed and he wanted me to lay with him for a few minutes. He kept saying, "please stay momma." So I did. Laying with him and praying with him of course made me cry, because I had missed being able to do that for a while. As I'm crying and holding my sweet boy, he reached over and wiped my tears and said in his sweet little voice, "don't cry momma." (And yes I'm crying as a type this.) That's my sweet boy! That boy can throw some tantrums, but he can also be super sweet and compassionate and caring. So blessed to be this little boys momma!!

Asher's Newborn Pictures

We had Asher's newborn pictures taken when he was a week old. The awesome Tina Wilson, a friend of ours, took the pictures. Below are a few of my favorite.