Bad Mom

Yes, I've had those moments where I have felt like a bad mom, and I am hopefully not the only way that has ever felt that way. There are moments where my patience is thin due to lack of sleep and then I feel terrible about not being more patient. There are moments that I want to be able to get things done around the house but I can't, because Micah is going through a stage where he wants to be held a lot (got to love separation anxiety). I keep wondering if I'm doing something wrong and that's why he's going through separation anxiety. And then I feel bad for being so concerned about cleaning and doing things around the house, when I should be cherishing each moment I've been given with Micah. There are moments I wonder if I'm feeding him enough or feeding him too much. Does he have the safest car seat? Are we reading and talking to him enough? And I'm sure there are and will be many more. But, I know this, I love that little boy and I'm so thankful that God has blessed us with our sweet Micah. And I know that the good times far out weigh the trying times and that parenthood is SO worth it. There will certainly be trying times in parenthood. There will certainly be times that I feel like I'm getting it wrong. But, my prayer is that I will seek God daily in the decisions I make, especially where Micah is concerned.I pray that when those moments arise that I think I'm getting it wrong, I will immediately stop and give those thoughts over to the Lord and that if I am doing something wrong, He will show me. I pray that I will cherish each smile, laugh, hug, kiss, and every other moment that I am given with Micah. I pray that I will not compare myself to other mothers and that I wouldn't compare Micah to other children. And I pray that Micah will grow up seeing the Word lived out daily and that he will know he is loved by us and the Lord.

Forgiving and Forgetting

How tempting it is to remind someone of a past offense! But when God forgives our sins he totally forgets them. We never have to fear that he will remind us of them later. Because God forgives our sin, we need to forgive others. "I - yes, I alone - will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again." Isaiah 43:25 NLT That was taken from my devotion time this morning and I wanted to share it. It hit home on many levels. I often come across people that don't want to come to church because some one has wronged them, or a wife/husband doesn't want to forgive a spouse for something they have done, and the list goes on. We must learn to forgive others, because God forgave and forgives us. I know I have been guilty of struggling with forgiveness. Or, I will say I forgive, but then I'm tempted to remind that person of the offense. I think that's especially something I struggle with in marriage. How tempting is it to remind our spouse about their past sins or how they have wronged us in the past? I'm challenged this morning to be more forgiving. I will come in to contact with those that will hurt me, but I pray that I will learn to truly forgive when those times come because God has forgiven and forgotten. How thankful I am of that truth! Thank you Lord for your forgiveness!

Staying Home

Making decisions is something we do on a daily basis. Some decisions we make with very little thought, while others we spend much time in prayer about. One of the best decisions Michael and I have made is the decision for me to stay at home with Micah. We prayed about it and both felt that it was right for our family. Since the beginning of my pregnancy with Micah, we started making financial preparations so that I would be able to stay at home. We started putting half of my paycheck in savings and using the rest to pay off some bills. We started limiting the amount we spent on "extras" that we didn't need and one of the big ones for us.....I started cooking more at home instead of going out to eat. This was hard for us, because with our crazy schedules most nights we weren't home at the same times. But, we knew sacrifices needed to be made in many areas so that I could stay home. While staying home has been one of the best decisions we have made, it hasn't always been easy. For most that know me well, I like to go, go, go.....There would be days that I would get off work and run errands, grab something to eat, go to church or life group or bible study and not even walk into my house until after 8 or 9 at night. So, staying home and being home ALL day long was a big adjustment for me for sure. There were days I just needed to load Micah up and go to the mall, or Target, or Hobby Lobby, or ANYWHERE for that matter, just to get out of the house! Doing that poses another problem though, by going those places, I would want to spend money, money that we didn't have to spend on those "extras" anymore. So, I've had to learn to be more disciplined there as well. But, as I sit here writing this and watching Micah play in the floor, it's so worth it. Staying at home may not be your calling as a mom right now. But, for us, it's what God wanted me to do. I love every minute of it, even though there have been some long and hard days. I'm so thankful that God has allowed me to be able to stay home and be a big part of every milestone Micah hits.

No Promise of Tomorrow

Lately, I have seen so many lives lost at such an early age. Just last week a friend of mine found out that at 36 weeks pregnant, her daughter's heart had stopped beating. They do not know yet what caused it. She had to deliver her daughter, go through the pain of childbirth, knowing that she would not experience the joy of hearing that sweet cry for the first time. Just yesterday, Michael's aunt (who is a teacher in North Carolina) told me about a third grader at her school that died over the weekend. The family of this little boy were all playing soccer and the goal fell over on the little boy and killed him. In both situations, and so many more tragic situations I have heard of just recently, I can't even imagine the pain felt by the family and those involved. It's heartbreaking and leaves us asking why. Why would God take someone so young? But, sometimes things happen in life that we just don't understand. I have had those times come and go and have learned to just trust God even through those unexplainable times. Even though we may not understand it then or ever, He is still in control. God's word tells us that our life is just a vapor. We do not know how long we have on this earth and we are not promised tomorrow. So, for today and every day, I pray that I will hug my sweet Micah tighter, love and respect my husband more even when I don't feel like it, be more compassionate to those around me, reach out to those in need, make sure my family knows I love them, and strive daily to live a life that pleases the Lord. I don't want to waste the precious time that God has given me with Micah and Michael. I don't want to live each day wasting the talents that God has given me. And I don't want to live each day wasting the opportunities to reach out to those God has placed in my path.

What's next?

Micah is now 9 months old. I really can't believe that it's been 9 months already. So many important milestones have already been reached, from his first real smile, to his first real laugh, to rolling over, to crawling, and lately he's pulling up on anything and everything. These past 9 months have been filled with many sleepless nights, but it's all worth it to see that sweet boy smile, hear him laugh, hear him say Da-da and Ma-ma, and watch him crawl and pull up on things. Walking is probably in his near future and we will have our hands full, but I can't wait to see him take his first real step. I can't believe that in 3 short months, Micah will be celebrating his first birthday. I've already ordered his birthday outfit and we have already picked out the decorations and birthday supplies. We may be starting early with the planning but time really has seemed to fly by and it will be here before we know it. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us next!

Trials and Joy

As Christians, we are not exempt from trials and hard times. I have seen my share of them in my 31 years for sure. In the past few years I have lost all my grandparents, I have lost very young cousins (13 years old and 15 years old) to a car accident, a cousin not much older than I am to cancer, an aunt to illness, an uncle to a house fire, and other family members to other illnesses. I know the feeling of praying for years for a child, being over joyed at finding out we were expecting, to finding out weeks later that I lost the child. I know the feeling of year after year continuing to pray for another child and feeling like that prayer is being ignored. I know the struggle of making little money and having a lot of bills. While Michael was in seminary in North Carolina I worked full time and Michael only worked part time so he could go to school full time. We struggled financially to the point that we went a winter without heat because we couldn't afford the gas bill.

I'm not writing this to complain about the different trials and hard times I've been through in the past though. I'm writing this to say that, even through each of those trials and hard times, I can truly say that God was there with me (us) and His presence was certainly felt. Even during the dark days of the miscarriage and all that happened afterwards (Long story short, I had to have a D&C and they did it incorrectly causing me to have another one two weeks after the first one. With all that going on, my immune system seemed to be in shock and I ended up with bronchitis, and upper respiratory infection, and a kidney infection. I ended up missing about two weeks of work because I was on bed rest and one night I ended up in the ER due to inflammation in my chest cavity.), I had true peace that can only come from God. I was truly saddened at the loss of our child, but knew that God was still in control and that if it was His will, there would be children in our future.

During each of these trials and hard times, yes, there were days that I was heartbroken and experienced a time of grieving, which is normal. But, I chose each time to trust God....trust in His Word, trust in His faithfulness, and trust in His promises. I chose to let each situation make me better instead of bitter!

I know there will be more trials and hard times in my future, but I pray that as those times come, I will see each one as a time to strengthen my faith in God and will continue to TRUST Him! Trusting Him can't just come during the good times, we must trust Him through the bad as well.

I can't imagine going through each of these times without the Lord. I'm so very thankful I have a relationship with Him and that He will never leave me! I'm thankful for the peace and comfort He offered through each trial and will continue to offer in those to come! I'm thankful for the true joy that only comes in knowing Him!

Goodbye 2011

So many good things came out of 2011. Many lessons learned, mistakes made, trials overcome, but the blessings abounded. I'm so thankful that I have a God that loves me unconditionally, forgives me when I fail Him, shows grace and mercy, disciplines when necessary, continues to refine and mold me, and pours out His blessings on our family.

As I was sit back and reflect on 2011 I can't help but smile because one of those good things that 2011 brought was our first child. After praying for years, God blessed us with our sweet Micah. He has brought such joy into our lives and has changed our lives forever. I pray that 2012 brings more joy as we watch our sweet boy grow!

Granted, trials and hardships have come and will continue to come our way. We aren't exempt from those. But, we are far too blessed to let those trials and hardships take away the true joy that we have in Christ. Thank you Lord that we can place our trust in You, knowing You will never leave us! And thank you Lord for our sweet Micah!