Always Watching

I've been very blessed to be able to stay home with Micah for the past 20 months since I had him. I'm thankful that I will get to continue to stay home with him and with Baby Boy #2 (we haven't decided on a name yet) for as long as God allows it. With staying home, I'm with Micah pretty much every minute of every day. He watches as I fix breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner. He watches as I wash clothes, clean, and do other things around the house. He watches as Michael and I talk to one another and interact. He watches as I play and laugh and spend time with him. He watches when I read my Bible and do my Bible study. He watches as I read books to him. He watches as I make phone calls. He watches as I handle his crankiness at times, and the fits that he pitches at times too. He watches the way I handle situations that come up unexpectedly. He's always watching. The question is, what is he seeing as he watches? Is he seeing Christ constantly being poured out, or is he seeing me handle things in the flesh, is he being taught as he watches to handle things in a way that would honor the Lord? Sometimes it's easy to think that he's so young that our actions aren't making an impact on him yet, but they are. Everyday. I pray that my actions, reactions, and all that I do, will help point him to Christ. I know I'm not the perfect mother, wife, friend, volunteer, daughter, and more. But I don't want that to be a reason I don't strive to be the godly example to my son, who's always watching, and to others I come in contact with.

There's a story behind what got me really thinking about this in the first place, and boy was it a proud Mom moment, but convicting at the same time.

Last week, while on the way to the Christmas Communion service at church, I was jamming out to some worship music in the car. It was just Micah and I in the car, as Michael was already at the church. Micah was in his car seat playing with a toy train. I was singing my heart out. The kind of worship in the car that if passersby saw me, they would think I was crazy. Not only was I singing my heart out, it was the kind of moment that you just had to lift your hand in praise (don't worry, one hand at least was on the wheel). So I did. I heard Micah making noise in the back so I turned to see what he was doing. That sweet little boy was "singing" and had his hand raised too. He was doing exactly what he saw me doing. My actions and the things I do, DO make an impression on him NOW. He's not too young to pick up on the things he sees and hears. So, of course, my pregnant hormonal self starts crying because of the scene I'm witnessing from my 20 month old. But that's what gets me thinking about what else he sees. What else will he start to mimic that he sees of me, Michael, and even others that have an influence on him?

I had to stop and pray right then, praying that what Micah sees from me is constantly pointing him to Christ. I wish I could have gotten a picture of my sweet boy with his hand raised and "singing", but I was driving. Thankful to have had that moment on the way to church though, and thankful that God keeps laying it on my heart to examine my actions and what Micah, and others, see from me daily.

Buff Baby #2's Story

Michael and I always knew we wanted several children, but also knew that it was a possibility that I couldn't have any. After praying for 8 years, Micah finally blessed our family and has brought us so much joy.

We knew we were open to more if that's what God had for us, but after having Micah, my body still wasn't working correctly. After seeing a doctor this past July, I was put on medicine in hopes to help my body function properly. After a few weeks of being on the medicine, I was having some of the same symptoms I was having when I was pregnant with Micah. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. After calling to talk with the doctor, I was told to come in and have a blood test done to be sure I wasn't pregnant so the doctor could put me on a higher dose of medicine. I went in and had the blood test done, got the call that it was negative, so the doctor then called in another prescription. When I went to pick up the medicine at our pharmacy, after sitting in the drive-through for 20 minutes with a screaming, unhappy, tired Micah, I finally pulled up to the window. After telling them my name and birthday they went to look for my medicine, only to come back and tell me there was a problem with my insurance. I assured her that our insurance hadn't changed and that I had just picked up a prescription the week before for something else and had no trouble with the insurance card. She assured me something was indeed not right and that I would need to park and come in. I decided it wasn't worth the battle that day since it was past Micah's nap time and I drove away not real happy with the amount of time wasted at the pharmacy.

I called Michael on the way home and he told me there actually was something going on with our insurance card and that it would be fixed the following week. I wasn't excited to have to wait several more days before starting the new medicine but there was nothing I could do but wait. The following week, I was still having pregnancy symptoms, even after the negative blood test. I happened to be in Target one morning and decided to buy another box of pregnancy tests (I bought a box of three), even though I was sure I was wasting my money. I went home and took one of them immediately, didn't think much of it, but checked back after a few minutes. Positive. What? Really? So, I took another one. Positive. Ok, maybe I'm reading it wrong. So I took the third one about an hour later. Positive. I texted Michael a picture of the test. Yes, that's how I told him! I was too shocked and excited to wait until he got home.

I called the doctor immediately and was told to come in the next day for another blood test. Positive. Needless to say, we were excited and so thankful. For so many reasons. I immediately thought back to what happened at the pharmacy and KNEW that God was watching out for us, protecting us. If I had picked up the medicine that day and started taking it, it most likely would have caused a miscarriage. Thank you Lord for allowing something to be wrong with our insurance card that day (which hasn't happened ever in the past few years we have had that insurance). Thank you for protecting our Buff Baby #2. We can't wait to find out if we are having a boy or a girl in two weeks!

Letting Go

Have you ever prayed for something so long that you start to think God isn't ever going to answer? Or that He doesn't care about your heart's desires? Oh, have I been there. Numerous times, unfortunately. But, each time He gently, or not so gently, reminds me that He hears.....but that doesn't mean He's going to answer the way I want Him to or in the amount of time I would like. But, He also has shown me time and time again, that His ways are better and that He has a plan for me....for good.

Over the past few years, I found myself in that place of praying for something fervently, but not getting an answer, or at least the answer I wanted. I kept pleading with Him knowing that He knows my heart on this matter. Recently, like in the past month, He has answered that prayer. It came when I least expected it and not in a way that I expected it to be answered. But, what I have learned through that is that time and time again, He has shown me He is faithful. He has shown me that He is good and that He hears and answers. He has shown me His love, even when I have shown my doubt. Ultimately, He has shown me that I have to GIVE UP CONTROL and TRUST HIM!

You see, I was praying fervently for something, but then trying in my own power to control the situation. I can look back over the past few years since praying for this specific request and see that He was answering it even then. I just couldn't see it then, because I was trying to deal with it in MY own strength instead of just sitting back and letting Him work in this area.

I would love to say that this is the last time I will find myself in a situation of trying to work in my own strength, but I'm a sinner and imperfect. I can only pray that next time I find myself in a situation like this, that I can pray about it and trust Him with it and completely lay it at His feet and let Him handle it. Boy, what a mess I can make of things when trying to do it on my own. But, how beautiful to watch HIM work and see what comes of situations when He is the One in control.

Micah's First Year

I made this video of pictures and memories from Micah's first year. What a great year this has been!

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today, our life changed forever. Micah Ethan Buffaloe was born! This past year has been filled with so much joy watching Micah reach each new milestone. We are beyond blessed and can't imagine life without our sweet boy. He has added so much joy to our family and it's hard to remember what life was like before he was here with us. Below is the post I wrote right after he was born about his birth. What a day April 9, 2011 was, but so blessed by how that day ended!


Changed Forever

On the morning of April 9, 2011, Michael and I participated in a blitz with our church, CrossPointe, to pass out flyers about our upcoming Easter services. I was 37 weeks on this day and miserable!! Everyone that saw me at the blitz couldn't believe I was even there! No, I didn't actually get out of the car and walk from door to door passing out flyers. I stayed in the car and followed the crew that was in our car. I drove back and forth between the neighborhood we were blitzing and the church to get more flyers, drinks, and of course.....to use the bathroom. During the blitz, I had not really felt Micah move at all so I went to Ellianos to get my favorite drink, a Tuscany Toffee Latte Freezer, thinking that maybe I just needed a little caffeine and sugar.

After the blitz, I still hadn't really felt Micah move so we went home so I could lay down on my side because he always moved a lot when I was laying in that position. After an hour of still no movement, I texted my midwife because we were concerned. She sent me to the hospital to be monitored. This was about 3:30 in the afternoon. On the way to the hospital, I texted a good friend, Christine, that just so happens to be a labor and delivery nurse and told her to be praying for us. At this time, we didn't tell anyone else we were going to the hospital because we didn't want to alarm anyone until we knew what was going on.

Once we got to the hospital and were hooked up to the monitors, we saw that everything was fine. My midwife, Teresa, came up to the hospital to check on us. I had just had a doctor appointment 2 days beforehand on that Thursday and I was already 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced so she had told me that I probably wouldn't make it to my due date since that was still 3 weeks away. In fact, she told me that she figured we would have Micah that weekend. Well, here we were on Saturday, exactly 3 weeks early, and Teresa checked me and I was 5 cm dilated and 80% effaced. At this point, she informed us that I wasn't leaving the hospital but that she was going to brake my water and get me started on pitocin.

I was a little shocked because when we headed to the hospital that day, I wasn't really expecting to be staying! Praise the Lord that I'm so OCD about making sure things are done because we already had everything ready for his arrival (nursery was ready and car seat was installed). Before leaving the house to go to the hospital, Michael threw our hospital bag in the car because he had a feeling we would be staying.

It was now about 5:30. We made a few calls to family and sent out a mass text to close friends to let them know what was going on. My parents had bags packed and ready and headed to Valdosta, thankfully they only live about and hour and a half from us.

Once they put us in a delivery room and started the pitocin, we knew that it was just a waiting game. My friend, Christine, came up to be my labor and delivery nurse even though she wasn't scheduled to work that day. It was so reassuring knowing that my L&D nurse and my midwife were people that I knew and trusted and that they were believers as well. Thank you Lord for Christine and Teresa! We knew we were in good hands.

While waiting, some friends came up to the hospital to visit and my parents made it up to see us before the chaos started!

Around 6:30 the contractions started kicking in hard and close together. I had an epidural about 7:15 or so but by 7:45, I felt that the epidural wasn't working on my right side, just my left. At this time, Teresa had left to go eat, thinking that Micah wouldn't arrive until much later. Well, by 8:00 my L&D nurse realized that Micah would be there much earlier than expected!! Christine let us know that it was time and she calmly told us that things were going to get a little hectic as they prepared the room for the delivery. Of course, they called Teresa to come back and she got back just in time. By 8:30 I was pushing and at 8:50 my sweet Micah made his grand appearance. Everything happened so fast that Michael had to quickly find the camera so we could capture those first few moments of Micah's precious life! I didn't even have time to cry because it went by so fast. I'm very thankful that I wasn't in labor for hours though!!

Holding that sweet boy for the first time did bring tears to my eyes. He's such a blessing and an answer to prayer! Michael and I are so blessed and very thankful for Teresa and Christine for taking such great care of us and our little blessing! Oh, what a day!

Party Time

This past weekend we celebrated Micah's first birthday with a party with family and friends. The plan was to have the party at the park in Grove Pointe but due to rain that morning and at the time we would have needed to set up, we ended up having the party at our house. While it was a little chaotic with over 60 people (adults and kids) at our house, the party turned out great and Micah had such a good time! We weren't quite sure how he would do with so many people around but he did such a good job and let pretty much any one hold him that wanted to (which he doesn't do often). We enjoyed cake (which turned out great) and some goodies. We did not open gifts at the party, because we weren't sure how Micah would respond to opening one and having it taken from him just to give him another one. Under almost all circumstances, when something is taken from him that he wants, he has a minor melt down and we wanted to avoid that at the party. Micah enjoyed his smash cake. Although he didn't do much smashing, he did enjoy eating it! After the party, my family stayed because they wanted to see Micah open their gifts. He wasn't much interested in opening gifts so we opened them for him and showed him the gifts from my family. At this time, it was definitely nap time for Micah. After his nap, we let him open the rest of his gifts (which means we opened them for him while he tried to push the boxes around or play with the tissue paper from the bags). He has enjoyed playing with all his new toys this week though, now that they have all been opened! Micah's actual birthday isn't until this coming Monday, April 9th. We decided to have his party early because this coming weekend is Easter and is a very busy weekend already for most people. Overall, we had a great day celebrating with family and friends! We are very blessed!

Raising Micah

What did we do with our time before we had Micah? Michael and I often ask ourselves this question. We were married for 8 years before he made his appearance last year, and we enjoyed those 8 years together serving in ministry, growing together, going on trips, numerous date nights, walks around the neighborhood, dinners with friends/family, game nights, and what not. And while we were very blessed and content with where God had us then, as just a couple, it's hard now to imagine life without that sweet smile, adorable laughter, and yes, even the crying fits. While I'm thankful for the 8 years that God gave to us as a couple to grow and strengthen our marriage, I'm so thankful that we have Micah to share this journey with now. Even as I'm typing, he's pushing a box around, picking it up and walking around with it, and sitting down beating on it like a drum...all while smiling and laughing. It makes my heart melt! He has brought so much joy to our lives and while he may cause me to have some sleepless nights, throw fits when he doesn't get his way (that's his new thing right now), and be clingy at times....I would not change a thing. I'm so thankful that God allowed us this blessing of parenthood and pray that we will honor and glory God through raising Micah.

Micah's ABC Book

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Shutterfly photo books offer a wide range of artful designs and embellishments to choose from.

11 Months

Our sweet Micah is now 11 months old and his first birthday is only weeks away. Just this past week he's finally realized he can walk without help. He will walk across the room or from one couch to the other couch. He will walk to his toy basket and take his toys out. He can stand up from a sitting position too but he hasn't figured out how to put the two together and just stand and walk yet. It's amazing how after just a week, he's already walking much better and I know it won't be long before he decides he would rather walk instead of crawl, which he will still do now because he can go faster that way. His hair is starting to curl and while I love it, Michael is ready to cut it! We are trying to hold out until after the first birthday party though. His eyes are still the prettiest blue and I'm praying they stay that color. He went through a period of separation anxiety but seems to be doing much better with it. He has six teeth now and eats very well, although he's still small for his age. I love his little smile and laugh, they make my heart happy! He's such a joy and blessing! I can't wait to celebrate his first birthday with friends and family!

Our Journey - Marriage

Nine years ago today, walking down the aisle to the front of the church, I had no idea what the future held for us. I knew that I was choosing to love Michael regardless. I knew that God was in control of that future and that Michael was the man that God was placing in my life to walk through that future with. And I knew that I was so blessed to have Michael as my husband and spiritual leader of our home.

It's hard to believe that I have known Michael Buffaloe for 11 years now and that 9 of those years, we have been married. We have built 2 houses together, been to seminary, struggled with infertility issues, enjoyed vacations and a cruise, grown together as a couple, been so blessed in ministry, met some amazing people that I am thankful to call friend, experienced the pain of a miscarriage, been so blessed to be called to CrossPointe Church, and so much more! Regardless of what we have gone through together, the good and the bad, our marriage has been strengthened and so has our faith in the Lord. I am so thankful that God has allowed me to be Michael's helpmate and that He has placed us in ministry together! There is no place I would rather be!

No More Believing Lies

I'm doing a Bible study with some awesome ladies and we are reading the book Lies Women Believe. In my reading this morning, I came across this paragraph below and wanted to share it.

The Truth is that happiness is not found in (or out of) marriage; it is not found in any human relationship. True joy can only be found through Christ. (James 1:16-17)
The Truth is that God has promised to give us everything we need, and if He knows a husband would make it possible for us to bring greater glory to Him, then He will provide a husband.
The Truth is that contentment is not found in having everything we think we want but in choosing to be satisfied with what God has already provided.
The Truth is that those who insist on having their own way often end up with unnecessary heartache, while whose who wait on the Lord always get His best. (Psalm 37:4.....which is my life verse!)


WOW! I know SO many people that are believing the lies of Satan in these areas and need to cling to the Truth of our God instead. And I am one of those people! Thankfully, I've never really struggled with thinking happiness is found if I just get married. I married Michael KNOWING that God had placed us together for His glory and it's been an awesome journey. That doesn't mean we don't have other struggles. We are both sinners but we love the Lord and strive to always keep Christ at the center of our marriage.

However, I have found myself struggling with contentment and insisting on having my own way. The time that immediately comes to mind was while we were in seminary. God grew me a LOT in those three years and did a lot of pruning during that time, and pruning can hurt! I spent most of the first two years of seminary struggling with being consumed with trying to get pregnant. We had been married two years at the time and it seemed like every where I turned, everyone was pregnant. Instead of being content with the season of life God had placed me in at the time, I allowed myself to be completely consumed with the idea of having a baby. I was not content with what God had already given me and wasted so much time worrying about getting pregnant. I wanted things done in my own way and my own timing. Anyone who knew me well could probably see that I struggled with this because I know I let it take over my life at that time.

Oh, how I wish, I would have held on to the Truth's listed above. Contentment is NOT found in having everything we think we want but in CHOOSING to be satisfied with what God had already provided. Ouch! I wasn't satisfied with what I had and just wanted more and boy did I let that show. I would like to that I have learned my lesson there, but will have to admit that sometimes I still struggle with being content. I will say though, that I am thankful that I recognize those times more easily now and can immediately go to God and lay it at His feet when they happen.

And oh how I wish I had realized earlier that insisting on having my own way was just going to lead to unnecessary heartache. What I should have been doing was waiting on Him so that I could receive His best! I certainly learned this lesson the hard way. I would be the first to say that I trusted God and that I knew His ways were best, even during that time. But, the way I lived my life did not SHOW that I trusted God and knew His ways were best. I have learned, since then, to give it to Him and let God work in HIS TIMING instead of wanting things done in my timing and done my way. HIS WAYS truly are BEST!!

There are many other lies of satan's that I've believed over the years, but I'm learning more and more now to be able to recognize those lies and to go to God's Word to find the Truth! And to write that Truth on my heart so that I can live it out! I'm still a work in progress, but I'm thankful that He's still working on me and has never given up!

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Philippians 1:6

Our Story - The Beginning

I've known Michael for 11 years now and we have been together for most of that time. The first time I met Michael was at a small church that a friend and I were visiting. He was literally one of the first people I met there that night and he and his friends invited us to go out to eat after church. We pretty much became fast friends and remained good friends for several months. He began pursuing me, and he will tell you that I was NOT wanting to date him at that time. However, God had other plans and little did I know at the time, that Michael would be the man I married. Several months went by and our group of friends spent a lot of time together. Michael and I would go to lunch and spend time together some just as friends, but he made it very clear that his intentions were not just to date me, but to marry me one day. I thought he was crazy! But, several weeks later, God made it very clear to me that He was placing Michael in my path not just to date, but eventually marry. Soon after that, we did start dating and I can honestly say that by that time, we both knew that one day we would get married. So ten years ago today, on February 15, 2002, Michael asked me to marry him. We had been officially dating around 8 months at the time. I still remember the day like it was yesterday. I had always told him that I didn't want him to propose on a holiday, so he didn't propose ON Valentine's Day, he did it the day after! I had some idea that it was coming, but was still so excited when he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife and put that ring on my finger. I'll have to write about that actual day another day when I have more time. But, I will say that it's been an awesome journey and I'm glad I have Michael Buffaloe by my side to do life with!

Changes

The past 10 months have been filled with many changes in the Buffaloe family! It's hard to believe that just 10 months ago, we held a sweet 7 lb 9 oz baby in our arms for the first time and he had beautiful blue eyes and dark hair. In the past 10 months, his eyes have turned an even brighter blue but his hair is now a light brown/blonde. When he was born, everyone said he looked like Michael, but more and more people say he's starting to look like me and my family, mainly my brother Jeremy. Micah's already had a bout with a stomach virus right after Christmas and it was not fun but he was a trooper. He's mastered the word "Da-da" and says it quite often. He's said "Ma-ma" but only a handful of times. He can clap and wave now and I have already started to work on baby sign language with him. He loves bananas and will shovel them in his mouth as fast as he can. He loves feeding himself pieces of sweet potato too but is not a fan of steamed broccoli, cauliflower, and carrot. We will keep working on those though. He now has 6 teeth and chews very well pretty much anything we give him. He does the bear crawl and pulls up on everything. He loves cruising around on anything he can find to push around the house and will walk when we are holding his hands. Just recently he's started walking only holding one hand, instead of having to have both held. Every few days, we are experiencing new milestones with Micah and are loving almost every minute. I could do without the separation anxiety moments, but I know that's just a phase. We are looking forward to more changes that I know are coming our way and just trying to really cherish all the moments we have with Micah and the memories we are making with him. We are so thankful for this precious gift we get to watch grow daily!

Bad Mom

Yes, I've had those moments where I have felt like a bad mom, and I am hopefully not the only way that has ever felt that way. There are moments where my patience is thin due to lack of sleep and then I feel terrible about not being more patient. There are moments that I want to be able to get things done around the house but I can't, because Micah is going through a stage where he wants to be held a lot (got to love separation anxiety). I keep wondering if I'm doing something wrong and that's why he's going through separation anxiety. And then I feel bad for being so concerned about cleaning and doing things around the house, when I should be cherishing each moment I've been given with Micah. There are moments I wonder if I'm feeding him enough or feeding him too much. Does he have the safest car seat? Are we reading and talking to him enough? And I'm sure there are and will be many more. But, I know this, I love that little boy and I'm so thankful that God has blessed us with our sweet Micah. And I know that the good times far out weigh the trying times and that parenthood is SO worth it. There will certainly be trying times in parenthood. There will certainly be times that I feel like I'm getting it wrong. But, my prayer is that I will seek God daily in the decisions I make, especially where Micah is concerned.I pray that when those moments arise that I think I'm getting it wrong, I will immediately stop and give those thoughts over to the Lord and that if I am doing something wrong, He will show me. I pray that I will cherish each smile, laugh, hug, kiss, and every other moment that I am given with Micah. I pray that I will not compare myself to other mothers and that I wouldn't compare Micah to other children. And I pray that Micah will grow up seeing the Word lived out daily and that he will know he is loved by us and the Lord.

Forgiving and Forgetting

How tempting it is to remind someone of a past offense! But when God forgives our sins he totally forgets them. We never have to fear that he will remind us of them later. Because God forgives our sin, we need to forgive others. "I - yes, I alone - will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again." Isaiah 43:25 NLT That was taken from my devotion time this morning and I wanted to share it. It hit home on many levels. I often come across people that don't want to come to church because some one has wronged them, or a wife/husband doesn't want to forgive a spouse for something they have done, and the list goes on. We must learn to forgive others, because God forgave and forgives us. I know I have been guilty of struggling with forgiveness. Or, I will say I forgive, but then I'm tempted to remind that person of the offense. I think that's especially something I struggle with in marriage. How tempting is it to remind our spouse about their past sins or how they have wronged us in the past? I'm challenged this morning to be more forgiving. I will come in to contact with those that will hurt me, but I pray that I will learn to truly forgive when those times come because God has forgiven and forgotten. How thankful I am of that truth! Thank you Lord for your forgiveness!

Staying Home

Making decisions is something we do on a daily basis. Some decisions we make with very little thought, while others we spend much time in prayer about. One of the best decisions Michael and I have made is the decision for me to stay at home with Micah. We prayed about it and both felt that it was right for our family. Since the beginning of my pregnancy with Micah, we started making financial preparations so that I would be able to stay at home. We started putting half of my paycheck in savings and using the rest to pay off some bills. We started limiting the amount we spent on "extras" that we didn't need and one of the big ones for us.....I started cooking more at home instead of going out to eat. This was hard for us, because with our crazy schedules most nights we weren't home at the same times. But, we knew sacrifices needed to be made in many areas so that I could stay home. While staying home has been one of the best decisions we have made, it hasn't always been easy. For most that know me well, I like to go, go, go.....There would be days that I would get off work and run errands, grab something to eat, go to church or life group or bible study and not even walk into my house until after 8 or 9 at night. So, staying home and being home ALL day long was a big adjustment for me for sure. There were days I just needed to load Micah up and go to the mall, or Target, or Hobby Lobby, or ANYWHERE for that matter, just to get out of the house! Doing that poses another problem though, by going those places, I would want to spend money, money that we didn't have to spend on those "extras" anymore. So, I've had to learn to be more disciplined there as well. But, as I sit here writing this and watching Micah play in the floor, it's so worth it. Staying at home may not be your calling as a mom right now. But, for us, it's what God wanted me to do. I love every minute of it, even though there have been some long and hard days. I'm so thankful that God has allowed me to be able to stay home and be a big part of every milestone Micah hits.

No Promise of Tomorrow

Lately, I have seen so many lives lost at such an early age. Just last week a friend of mine found out that at 36 weeks pregnant, her daughter's heart had stopped beating. They do not know yet what caused it. She had to deliver her daughter, go through the pain of childbirth, knowing that she would not experience the joy of hearing that sweet cry for the first time. Just yesterday, Michael's aunt (who is a teacher in North Carolina) told me about a third grader at her school that died over the weekend. The family of this little boy were all playing soccer and the goal fell over on the little boy and killed him. In both situations, and so many more tragic situations I have heard of just recently, I can't even imagine the pain felt by the family and those involved. It's heartbreaking and leaves us asking why. Why would God take someone so young? But, sometimes things happen in life that we just don't understand. I have had those times come and go and have learned to just trust God even through those unexplainable times. Even though we may not understand it then or ever, He is still in control. God's word tells us that our life is just a vapor. We do not know how long we have on this earth and we are not promised tomorrow. So, for today and every day, I pray that I will hug my sweet Micah tighter, love and respect my husband more even when I don't feel like it, be more compassionate to those around me, reach out to those in need, make sure my family knows I love them, and strive daily to live a life that pleases the Lord. I don't want to waste the precious time that God has given me with Micah and Michael. I don't want to live each day wasting the talents that God has given me. And I don't want to live each day wasting the opportunities to reach out to those God has placed in my path.

What's next?

Micah is now 9 months old. I really can't believe that it's been 9 months already. So many important milestones have already been reached, from his first real smile, to his first real laugh, to rolling over, to crawling, and lately he's pulling up on anything and everything. These past 9 months have been filled with many sleepless nights, but it's all worth it to see that sweet boy smile, hear him laugh, hear him say Da-da and Ma-ma, and watch him crawl and pull up on things. Walking is probably in his near future and we will have our hands full, but I can't wait to see him take his first real step. I can't believe that in 3 short months, Micah will be celebrating his first birthday. I've already ordered his birthday outfit and we have already picked out the decorations and birthday supplies. We may be starting early with the planning but time really has seemed to fly by and it will be here before we know it. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us next!

Trials and Joy

As Christians, we are not exempt from trials and hard times. I have seen my share of them in my 31 years for sure. In the past few years I have lost all my grandparents, I have lost very young cousins (13 years old and 15 years old) to a car accident, a cousin not much older than I am to cancer, an aunt to illness, an uncle to a house fire, and other family members to other illnesses. I know the feeling of praying for years for a child, being over joyed at finding out we were expecting, to finding out weeks later that I lost the child. I know the feeling of year after year continuing to pray for another child and feeling like that prayer is being ignored. I know the struggle of making little money and having a lot of bills. While Michael was in seminary in North Carolina I worked full time and Michael only worked part time so he could go to school full time. We struggled financially to the point that we went a winter without heat because we couldn't afford the gas bill.

I'm not writing this to complain about the different trials and hard times I've been through in the past though. I'm writing this to say that, even through each of those trials and hard times, I can truly say that God was there with me (us) and His presence was certainly felt. Even during the dark days of the miscarriage and all that happened afterwards (Long story short, I had to have a D&C and they did it incorrectly causing me to have another one two weeks after the first one. With all that going on, my immune system seemed to be in shock and I ended up with bronchitis, and upper respiratory infection, and a kidney infection. I ended up missing about two weeks of work because I was on bed rest and one night I ended up in the ER due to inflammation in my chest cavity.), I had true peace that can only come from God. I was truly saddened at the loss of our child, but knew that God was still in control and that if it was His will, there would be children in our future.

During each of these trials and hard times, yes, there were days that I was heartbroken and experienced a time of grieving, which is normal. But, I chose each time to trust God....trust in His Word, trust in His faithfulness, and trust in His promises. I chose to let each situation make me better instead of bitter!

I know there will be more trials and hard times in my future, but I pray that as those times come, I will see each one as a time to strengthen my faith in God and will continue to TRUST Him! Trusting Him can't just come during the good times, we must trust Him through the bad as well.

I can't imagine going through each of these times without the Lord. I'm so very thankful I have a relationship with Him and that He will never leave me! I'm thankful for the peace and comfort He offered through each trial and will continue to offer in those to come! I'm thankful for the true joy that only comes in knowing Him!

Goodbye 2011

So many good things came out of 2011. Many lessons learned, mistakes made, trials overcome, but the blessings abounded. I'm so thankful that I have a God that loves me unconditionally, forgives me when I fail Him, shows grace and mercy, disciplines when necessary, continues to refine and mold me, and pours out His blessings on our family.

As I was sit back and reflect on 2011 I can't help but smile because one of those good things that 2011 brought was our first child. After praying for years, God blessed us with our sweet Micah. He has brought such joy into our lives and has changed our lives forever. I pray that 2012 brings more joy as we watch our sweet boy grow!

Granted, trials and hardships have come and will continue to come our way. We aren't exempt from those. But, we are far too blessed to let those trials and hardships take away the true joy that we have in Christ. Thank you Lord that we can place our trust in You, knowing You will never leave us! And thank you Lord for our sweet Micah!