Overwhelmed but Blessed

I hesitated to write this post, mainly because it calls for me to be more transparent that I would like. But, after talking to numerous women that have experienced the same thing, I knew I needed to write it.

Leading up to having Asher, I had two people tell me to cherish the last days of just having Micah at home with me. I was like, um, ok. I didn't really understand just how much I would miss those days of just having him with me to take care of, love on, read to, play with, and much more.  When we brought Asher home from the hospital, saying I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. I missed the one on one time with Micah. I missed having somewhat of a schedule. I felt like I was floundering because, let's face it, having a newborn is wonderful and overwhelming all at the same time. You are operating on very little sleep, crazy hormones, a little human that needs you every waking minute, and to throw in a toddler that still needs to be taken care of too? I was overwhelmed. How did moms that have more than one child do it? I was certainly trying to figure that one out. Believe me, I know there are moms out there with way more than two kids, and they managed, so I knew I would too. But for a person that thrives on schedules and organization, my world was rocked! I had this little, cute, crying, needy, sweet, hungry, non-napping blessing to care for and take care of. Along with a sweet, loving, caring, tantrum-throwing, easily frustrated, adorable two year old to still tend to as well. When I felt like I was doing great caring for Asher, I was feeling like Micah was being left out. When I tried to have one on one time with Micah, Asher was needing my attention. I would wake every day thinking I just had to survive until Michael got home from work. I felt sick to my stomach most mornings and dreaded the day before me.

Thankfully, just like most struggles, the overwhelmed feelings were only temporary. I survived those first few weeks. I won't say I passed with flying colors, but I survived and so did my boys! I had to learn to wake every morning and give my day to the Lord, praying for strength and the ability to love and care for my sweet boys to the best of my ability while trying to find the new normal for our family.

We now have somewhat of a schedule (as much of you can with little ones). Asher is sleeping more at night and napping much better during the day. He still eats a lot, and often. He's my big boy! But his feedings aren't taking as long and he's a much happier baby during his awake hours (for a while there I was wondering if that would ever happen). I have found ways to incorporate one-on-one time with both boys on top of including Micah in "helping" me with Asher. Micah likes to lay beside Asher and talk to him during Asher's tummy time or play time on his play mat. Micah likes to be helpful and bring Asher toys to look at and he "reads" to him too. I've also found that Micah likes to help me with stuff around the house. If he sees me doing laundry, he immediately stops what he's doing to come help. He loves to help load the washing machine and then he helps to move the laundry over to the dryer. He likes pushing the buttons to turn them both on too. (To Micah's future wife, you will thank me one day for teaching him this early, so you're welcome!)

I've finally figured out all of Asher's different cries and what they mean. I've figured out how to get him to nap. In the hospital all the nurses kept telling me what an alert baby he was. That he was the most alert baby they had in a while. I later realized what they meant was he doesn't sleep. From day one, he's done well at night for a newborn. But during the day, he didn't like to nap. If he did fall asleep, he woke easily (so unlike Micah). He wouldn't nap in his crib, only in the swing or if he was being held. I had to work hard for several days to transition him to napping in the crib and he finally will, for about 45 minutes at a time. That's much better than the ten minute naps he used to take in the crib.

I write all of this to say that feeling lost and overwhelmed is normal. I've talked to so many that said they felt like they were doing a terrible job at handling the transition and that they felt overwhelmed and that is was even hard to get out of bed in the morning. So many women go through those feelings. The key is what you do what that. I knew I didn't want to continue feeling overwhelmed and that I wanted to feel "normal" again. I had to lean on God more and more daily and spend more time praying for each day and what it would bring. I leaned on a few close friends for prayer support and encouragement. And my husband is THE best! He's so helpful with the boys when he's home and so selfless!

Most know that Michael and I prayed for years for children before finally being blessed with Micah. Now we have been blessed with Asher too (Asher actually means blessed). We are so thankful for both of our boys! There are hard moments and sometimes all out hard days, but it's all so worth it in the long run. My prayer is that I always view my boys as a blessing from the Lord and that I do all that I can to raise them to love Him and live for Him!

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. Psalm 127:3-5